JEWISH WISDOM

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, “Yankele and Yosele are
both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?”
The wise old Rabbi answers: ” Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be
the lucky one.

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an
opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

My father says, “Marry a girl who has the same beliefs as the family.”
I said, “Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I’m a schmuck?”

Jewish Marriage advice “Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave
you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?”

Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. “Rabbi, tell me is it
proper for one man to profit from another man’s mistakes?”
“No Morris, a man should not profit from another man’s mistakes”
answered the rabbi.
“Are you sure Rabbi?”
“Of course, I’m sure, in fact I’m positive” exclaimed the Rabbi.
” Ok, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred
dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?”

The Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have wine.” The
Frenchman says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have cognac.” The
Russian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.” The German
says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have beer.” The Mexican says,
“I’m tired and thirsty. I must have tequila.” The Jew says, “I’m tired
and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll
never forget what she forgave.”

Follow us on  http://www.facebook.com/shvarts en op http://nl.linkedin.com/in/shvarts and twitter avraam52